As I ponder the last week or so, my mind  keeps coming back to the same thoughts that circle my small brain over and over again, day after day, night after night… something has changed in the universe, and I can’t figure out what or why. My life to this point has been a series of object lessons. None of which have ever come easily. That is to say, most of what I have accomplished has never come without a ton of hard work and patience. Now, I’m not complaining or feeling sorry for myself, just an observation of my life pattern.

Take for instance music. I started playing instruments like most kids do in school. You know, the tambourine, bongos, triangle… basic Kindergarten stuff. I remember even playing the recorder once. My Mom of course saw this amazing talent and decided that at the ripe old age of 5, that I was going to be a piano virtuoso. This was a “no-brainer”, after all.. I was tested at a genius level as a child… and with such smart parents, this would be a breeze, right?? Wrong.. I hated the piano. The next step was the violin. This I was actually pretty good at.. that was what everyone told.. hey wait a minute.. do grandparents and family members count? Anyway, I played the violin from 3rd grade through 6th grade.. it was then that I realized that playing the drums was much cooler. I believe that a little encouragement came from the teasing I got from my Little League football team too. So in 7th grade I started a love affair with percussion, which by the way continues to this day. My point? Music wasn’t easy and I still haven’t mastered it.. not even close. Oh sure, I received a music scholarship or two, I have played many concerts and clubs.. I have even done many studio sessions with bands and friends. I have spent the better part of my life trying to perfect this talent.

Or how about skiing. I started my love of snow and sliding way back in Massachusetts when I was 8. My Dad brought home some wooden skis from one of his trips to Poland, he was a professor working on his doctorate or book or something. anyway, skiing was something I fell for right away. When we moved to Utah, we were lucky enough to live close to the owners of Beaver mountain in Cache Valley (Northern Utah). Let’s just say, I got a lot of passes for Christmas every year.. and I used them. Right up to the time I took a hard fall and snapped my left tibia in-half with a long spiral break. The recovery took almost a year. I was 12 at the time. I remember it taking several years before I had the courage to try it again. That one injury has followed me right up to the present. Since I have decided to focus some time on attaining my Cert III with PSIA, I have come to realize that the broken leg from my early teens has left me with some funky movements that seem to come from a place of protection… I still have problems with movements generated from my left side. Not from a physical stand point, but more from a deep-seated psychological one. My brain tries to protect my left side… Anyway, becoming a ski instructor was my attempt at over coming this fear of getting hurt again, and now as I prepare for the “big” tests to see the world and myself that I can do this.. I get humbled again. Last week, I failed the Cert III written test. I have studied and studied, taken clinics, asked questions, researched online.. and still a fail! The test that everyone said was “so easy”, one instructor told me, “look, you’d have to be half retarded to fail that easy exam..” bastard.. I haven’t told him that I am in fact “half retarded” after all. So, I’ll keep studying and try it again next month.

Same stupid grin everyday from skiing...

(today I skied waist deep powder and taught a group of kids from the UK.)

Radio… the universe has changed in one of my dearest passions that lately makes me feel like I missed the fine print. In the last 4+ months, I have sent out over 30 resumes and demos. I have had calls back from probably 3 people. All of which were in small markets offering less than what I got my first full-time radio job for 25 years ago. I have applied for Marketing Director jobs, Operation Directors jobs, Morning show jobs, Program Director jobs, General Manager, basic voice-over jobs, Tech jobs…. it’s a long list. I can’t for the life of me figure out what the hell is going on. It’s as if my background, experience and talent don’t mean a thing. It’s really weird… So I continue to believe that radio is my life’s passion and chosen occupation.. or until I have no choice but to go get a “big boy” job or career change. I recently had a conversation with one of my dear friends who happens to be an HR director for a huge company. I asked her what has changed from her perspective, she simply said.. “all of it”. I thought, huh?! I’m not the only one seeing this. She explained that in they are starting to see resumes from former Fortune 500 CEO’s applying for jobs that pay a fraction of what they once made. This in turn cancels out people like me with experience, but not at the same levels as “Mr. Former CEO”.

At this point, I’m ready to consider anything. It seems like all the previous opportunities i was working toward have fizzled.

So what am I to do???? Great question? I’m still committed to making this new chapter work to my advantage… somehow.

What I do know is this.. We have learned to do more with less (just like corporate America). We live in a small abode, we make substantially less money, we ski more, we see each other about the same, we go on dates every week (we always have though) and we eat together.. still. The point? Somethings change, something don’t. I am lucky to be surrounded with great friends that remind me how the things we don’t have around us anymore, aren’t the most important. The big house, the bigger paycheck, the contract, the bonuses…. okay, I take it back. those things are nice and yes, they ARE important to a degree.. Downsizing has been a good thing for us.

My wife is one of the most optimistic, loving, nice, positive people I know (I’m lucky, or should I say.. blessed). I guess that’s how we balance each other. So the universe is changing.. and so am I.

Slowly..

It’s fair to say, that change comes hard for me. this is my path I guess. Nothing ever comes easy for me… But I never take too many things for granted. Especially this time around.

So.. “OK universe.. I have learned a bunch of things you have sent my way… you can get me those things I have been trying so hard to achieve.. any time now… I’m still here!?!? Hello? Can you hear me????”

The universe has changed… as it always has, and will continue…

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