I do miss the Blue Bonnets in Texas this time of year..

Sad but true, those are some of the lyrics to a song I once “almost” wrote.  I have come to the place this week that has made me reflect again… duh.. really? let me explain…

Today I decided to go for a run. Several reasons prompted this.. first of all, the week has been a bit stressful. AND last night I got on the scales and noticed that I was up 10 pounds from a month ago.. what the hell?!? (more on this later)

So I grabbed my Ipod and put it on shuffle. As I took off on my usual route, I started to feel my body, smell the air and start to escape into that reflection zone that running always takes me too. One of the songs that came on was from Bowling for Soup, “Almost”… I of course started thinking of all the things I “almost” did or accomplished…  So i started to make a list in my head as I was rounding mile #1..

(start all the following statements with “I ALMOST”)

– made it into a DCI group in college (Casper Troopers).. (Drum and Bugle Corp)

– made out with the USU drill team.. true. (It was college)

– became a famous drummer.. almost… kind a

– got promoted to Program Director before I was 30

– won 3 Silver Microphone awards instead of 2

– made it 12 years as a top rated morning show

– got hired to work in NYC as an APD and PM drive talent at WLTW

– negotiated being the OM in Houston, but Johnny Chiang beat me to it… kind of..

– took a job at KODA in Huston 5 or 6 years before I actually took the Cox job (shoulda, woulda, coulda)

– got a combination of multi-engine, instrument, commercial pilots license.. instead of just a commercial..

– got my Cert III this week… kind of…

Yes, it seemed like I was really exercising the demons today. I realized something though.. why have I spent so much time thinking about all the things I “almost” did???? Do I actually bore the people around me with this crap?!? Probably..

It’s true, I just found another dark corner of my soul… this self-retrospection really sucks sometimes… again, a circle.

Now, more about circles this week..

I met with one of my old radio friends from the past. He called me after seeing this blog or a Facebook status, I forget.. but he is responsible for a new project that is a multi-platform radio station including internet, and asked if I would come talk to him about it. We got together, and I was blown away.. the studios were state of the art.. and clean! Recording studios, on-air studio, production studios, sound stages…. amazing!!! As we sat in his office discussing philosophy, I pointed out what a complete circle this is… You see, my friend Don was one my very first mentors way back in the beginning. I used to listen to him when I was in Junior High. Later I worked at the station and he taught me all my early production techniques… of which I would later used to win numerous awards and teach those same ideas to my staffs over the years… what a cool trip to travel and look back how Don had influenced me. As we were speaking, a young student stuck his head in the room and said, “Hi, sorry to interrupt.. but I used to listen to you all the time at FM100 with Peggy.. ” Don and I looked at each other and laughed.. I said, “I’m not even going to ask how old you were..” He said, “ok, but my Mom will be so impressed that I met you..”  How weird.. what a CIRCLE!!

Another circle..

Speaking of Peggy (my morning show partner at FM100), Lelani said she read that Peggy had announced her retirement on Facebook… I thought, no way… she would have told me.. so I called her. Sure as hell, she told me that she’s decided to hang up her headphones for good. Now, I’ve heard this before from her.. but this time there was a twist.. she’s also getting married and moving to Park City. Crazy right? Her life has gone sideways a bit this year too, she lost her Mom in January and got divorced a year ago.. lots of “stuff”. I’m happy for her, and suggested she come to PCTV and fill-in when Jennifer (my current co-host on the TV show) takes vacation.. she said “sure, as long as it doesn’t conflict with all the traveling I plan do this year..” Sooo, I might actually create another circle, doing mornings with Peggy again, even if it’s a temporary fill-in situation… CIRCLE.

Another..

I went for my PSIA Cert III skiing assessment… (Professional Ski Instructors of America) This is the hard one.. the top slot for all ski instructors. I approached this from a seek and learn position… so I wouldn’t be too disappointed if I failed. As the day started, I knew something felt weird.. I wasn’t doing it right.. the skiing thing. I was out of balance.. what was going on??? The day was grueling.. Then I even fell right in front of the examiners while demonstration a one-footed garland on my left foot… holy shit… By the end of the day my confidence was shot. I knew I hadn’t passed… when it finally ended, we were asked to give them about an hour and a half to tally the scores. So I went to the car, took off my boots to let the blood find my toes again and walked back to the lodge. I went to the designated meeting place and watched as my fellow session mates came out one by one and high-fived each other.. I thought, hey.. maybe I didn’t do so bad… I saw a couple of guys get their Cert III skiing that obviously skied worse than me…. maybe I was wrong!?!? Then I was called in… they asked me how I thought I did, I  told them I didn’t feel great about my performance, but liked a couple of the tasks I was asked to demo… they handed me my score sheet…. My eyes raced to the bottom of the page to look for box that states, “meets standard” or “doesn’t meet standard”…..

The blood drained from face… the “doesn’t meet standard” box was checked… Shit! I was right… I didn’t do that great. We talked about how my hips weren’t stabilized in my turns, which in turn creates too much edge angle.. blah, blah, blah… the circle??? This is the move that I have been working on all year!!! It came back…. I had moved past this inhibiting movement earlier this year… so I thought. I fell back into old patterns… and I screwed myself with it. Again.. lesson learned…

at least if was a perfect day at Snowbird!!

(back to the run)

So as this is swirling around in my head, I look up and see a homeless looking guy walking toward me. He was wearing an old army jacket, worn baseball hat, torn pants and look hollow.. I tried to catch his eyes to say gesture “Hi” but he wouldn’t look up… I thought, man doesn’t look like he’s having a good day.. I thought, is that how I look to people sometimes? Hollow, self-absorbed?

As I’m coming up on mile 4.. I see another guy sitting on a fence next to the sidewalk, waiting for the bus… he looks right at me. Looking a little crazy, dirty and a talking to himself…. I all of a sudden thought about that scene in the movie “Evan All Mighty” at the end when Evan finally gets the lesson right and the camera points to a homeless guy that transforms into the God character in the movie smiling at the final scene with Evan, who finally appreciates his family and friends…. then it hits me…

I have got to quit feeling sorry for all the “Almost” things I’ve done… I’m not learning the lesson of living in the moment enough. I don’t need anymore lessons to figure this one out… I’ve got to take a page from the book of Lelani… she’s good at this stuff. Again, the circle… I need to learn from the examples around.

Oh and this week was my birthday (which I have hated since I was a kid).. We went to Texas Roadhouse for steak.. I was a little homesick for Texas I guess… Lelani likes to celebrate these things.. she got the waiter to celebrate too.. with a saddle…

Yeee-haw!!! Thats right, Im a cowboy at heart..

Funny…. when I was a kid, I always wanted to be a cowboy, or an astronaut, or famous…. or happy, or rich… (yes.. the shirt says, “farm boy”)

Today, I am rich….. with good friends and a family that loves me, despite me… that is true “richness”

BTW.. no real job yet.. but a lot of learning/educational opportunities… (gas money/volunteer stuff)

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