One of the great advantages of being out of work, or “on the beach”, is that it gives you plenty of time to think, reflect and battle boredom. I of course spend WAY to much time doing self-evaluation (not self-examination.. but, hmmm). I know, I know.. those of you that know me aren’t surprised at this trait. But being mildly retarded causes this quirk in my personality. I have to repeat things over and over in my head to get clear ideas.. what? The questions is, was I born this way? Was it a choice? Or was it simply an out come of spending too much time in broadcasting with my headphones turned up too high… probably a little of all of the above.

I apologize for not doing a blog last week.. just wasn’t feeling it.

I irony of the last two weeks, is that Utah is flooding. The stream in our backyard is ready to over flow it’s banks… and yet everything around me has dried up… Stay with me here. Out of the blue several weeks ago, I had a couple of promising conversations about some huge job opportunities. Like “finally” something was starting happen.. WRONG!! All of them left me with the assignment to either think about time lines for starting, job descriptions or corporate structure.. “to be discussed” as length in “a couple of days”. That was two weeks ago. I of course made follow up calls and emails… all with no response AGAIN!! This little roller coaster ride is so confusing, so demeaning, so de-energizing…  So here’s what I’ve come to..

“HEY UNIVERSE, I KNOW YOU’RE LISTENING… I’M DONE!” I am going to stop spending so much time waiting for you to respond to me. I have to make this happen for me, so I’m going to turn you off for now. ARE YOU LISTENING?? I’m going to focus on me… the things I enjoy and get energy from. I’m through sending little messages in a bottle hoping the currents will “magically” find the job of my dreams. In other words… I’m starting to be okay with radio/broadcasting not being in my future. Yes, it’s my passion, my love and all I’ve ever dreamed of doing… well, except for being an astronaut, a rock star, movie star, airline pilot, millionaire, time traveler or McDonald’s franchise owner.. The funny thing is, I have been having dreams about playing on the road in bands again, last night for some weird reason I was back at McDonlad’s running the store, then transitioned into that damn radio dream where I can’t find the next song to play as the previous one is running out… AAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!       I’m losing it….

When I feel the darkness start to creep in.. the colors start to grey.. (as they have this week)

I go to one place.

The Mountains…

Bell's canyon

Mt. Olympus trail looking south

Mt. Olympus looking West

Neff's canyon looking at downtown SLC

Neff's canyon at one of the three stream crossing we made

Yes I retreat to the mountains… The energy, smells and basic serenity is amazing. I plan to do many hikes this Summer. Actually thinking about doing some trail runs as well.. we’ll see.

So here is my standard schedule..

5:15 am get up, shower, eat breakfast

5:50 am drive to Park City for TV show

6:30 am prep show with director, co-host and get mic and IFB on

7-9 am Mountain Morning Show live on PCTV

9:20-9:50’ish drive home

9:51 am-5 p plan a run/hike/bike ride, errands, lunch, read, try not to think about why nobody is calling me back, glance at All Access/Craig’s list/job postings, blah.. blah.. blah..

Some weeks like this one, I go to meeting at the Road Home (homeless shelter) to plan fundraisers and community involvement strategies.  I am always amazed at the stories we hear in those meetings about the families struggling to overcome homelessness… pretty amazing and humbling. I’m so grateful to NOT be dealing with that. I truly believe that we are given struggles to take a look around and realize how trivial our lives really are. All the “stuff” we try so hard to acquire and accumulate more of… then one day it’s all gone. Now what?!?!? Life on the Beach….

Today I ran 5+ miles and felt pretty good. No knee pain.. no close calls with impatient drivers (which happens all the time), great temperatures.. Houston has already hit 103 plus humidity… I DON’T miss that… Today here in Murray, it will hit 77’ish and cool down to 50 tonight.. nice.

I really miss my old pals there.. Houston was a great experience, but coming home to the mountains is what I needed. Not I need to get music part back, flying part back, play factor up and umm… oh yea.. get a job that will let me continue to enjoy what we have here in the West.

Any ideas??

So until next week.. I will continue to read my “head books”, run 5-6 miles a couple of time, go on several hikes.. and promise to “turn off” job search obsession for a while.

Time to focus on me again. The last time I did this, I met my wife unexpectedly… we were married 3 months later. That was 11 1/2 years ago. There is truth to the notion of letting go and focus on your happiness… I sounds a bit heady, but it works…

The color is back…. and the Spring colors are bright!!